Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Daniel Powter & Joseph The Dreamer

Where is the moment when we need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carrying on

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

I had a bad day. Which is, pretty normal the past 6 months. I had asked myself whether it's worth it more often than not. Other times I worry about job security. On occassions when I feel totally down, I have chosen to abandon Sarah Mclachlan and listen to the The Dreamer Soundtrack (now on the player) . I am a little embarrased, but I know he's the only one who can explain everything. He makes me explain everything.

So (gospel name withheld) and (foreign name withheld) have definitely won the top honors in making my life miserable. Previously owned by Dell and my former boss who knew nothing but Avon cosmetics.

I tried, really I did. Tried really hard to catch up and find common ground. It's just not happening. I have admitted that I've underdelivered. I was aware that I wasn't doing a good job. I have asked for help. I have constantly reminded myself of my commitment and how I used to get the job done. I miss that. I miss getting the job done. Done Really well.

What is missing?

Last Monday, I made a great attempt to restart and regain myself. Now that my boss is in the US and on vacation, she challenged me to turn things around. To dazzle the client. I know that is only possible in an alternate universe. But nevertheless possible.

So I tried.

And everytime I do, I stumble into a wall. No, make that a pit. It sucks. But I try to keep my head up because I know a lot of people are relying on me not giving up. Despite the fact that some would actually celebrate if I do (sad but true).

So right now, I am stuck in a state of acceptance. And I know I'll keep on trying. That i'll keep on standing up everytime I get knocked down. Why? I have a list.

People that matter:

  1. Mom & Dad
  2. Honey
  3. My Team

The track that's playing right now says something about God closing a door and opening a window. And that in His perfect timing the light will shine. I believe that. And more often that not I feel it.

What's good about Joseph's life is that he has gone through so much worse. And yet he ended up becoming the most powerful man in Egypt. And how things like this only happens in the Bible, I have no idea. But looking back and thinking really hard, I can so relate to him.


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