Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Daniel Powter & Joseph The Dreamer

Where is the moment when we need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carrying on

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

I had a bad day. Which is, pretty normal the past 6 months. I had asked myself whether it's worth it more often than not. Other times I worry about job security. On occassions when I feel totally down, I have chosen to abandon Sarah Mclachlan and listen to the The Dreamer Soundtrack (now on the player) . I am a little embarrased, but I know he's the only one who can explain everything. He makes me explain everything.

So (gospel name withheld) and (foreign name withheld) have definitely won the top honors in making my life miserable. Previously owned by Dell and my former boss who knew nothing but Avon cosmetics.

I tried, really I did. Tried really hard to catch up and find common ground. It's just not happening. I have admitted that I've underdelivered. I was aware that I wasn't doing a good job. I have asked for help. I have constantly reminded myself of my commitment and how I used to get the job done. I miss that. I miss getting the job done. Done Really well.

What is missing?

Last Monday, I made a great attempt to restart and regain myself. Now that my boss is in the US and on vacation, she challenged me to turn things around. To dazzle the client. I know that is only possible in an alternate universe. But nevertheless possible.

So I tried.

And everytime I do, I stumble into a wall. No, make that a pit. It sucks. But I try to keep my head up because I know a lot of people are relying on me not giving up. Despite the fact that some would actually celebrate if I do (sad but true).

So right now, I am stuck in a state of acceptance. And I know I'll keep on trying. That i'll keep on standing up everytime I get knocked down. Why? I have a list.

People that matter:

  1. Mom & Dad
  2. Honey
  3. My Team

The track that's playing right now says something about God closing a door and opening a window. And that in His perfect timing the light will shine. I believe that. And more often that not I feel it.

What's good about Joseph's life is that he has gone through so much worse. And yet he ended up becoming the most powerful man in Egypt. And how things like this only happens in the Bible, I have no idea. But looking back and thinking really hard, I can so relate to him.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Escape Artists

es·cape [ i skáyp ] transitive verb avoid bad situation: to avoid danger, harm, or involvement in an unpleasant situation.

Just got home from a third party perspective trance.
Unlikely and unplanned, I came from controlling a loud shriek (bcoz Michelle-- convergys colleague-- got distracted from sharing a big secret resulting to her very first car dent) to being appointed as journey guide to six beautiful escape artists.

Early that night, everything seems to be going against me. I lost my aviators during the rainfall rush in front of Jaipur. And couldn't go to Embassy bcoz I'd rather die than expose my ugly hair (baseball caps are not allowed inside the club--- stupid rule). Michelle and I are then trapped into going inside Jaipur and hang out with our korean-american red hat Annabelle and the bastard also known as Sundried (name withheld). And just as i weirdly accepted that my outfit for the night fits perfectly in that hiphop club, i found the highlight of my day inside a nice little clean condo in Pasong Tamo (right after a typical druggie night in government).

I've heard several tales of drugs being used to escape the cruelty of reality. How the short trance it provides promises the ultimate escape to all the harm sanity provides. Some moved on after trying once, some tries it more often than not, some just kept on trying it. Some, die.
Growing up in Manila gave me the luxury to be exposed to all sorts of cheap thrills. From prostitution (with drugs involved) to children whose noses are buried inside plastic bags with rugby (defintely not the sport). When I grew up and started partying with the well-offs, it wasn't at all different. Only this time, they don't do it under the smelly bridges or the putrid clubs near the pier but the expensive clubs and the posh hotels in Makati and Ortigas. I realized that poverty or the extreme, leads to pretty much the same thing. The neverending wants and limitless attempts to escape.
In schools, churches, everywhere, everyone says its wrong. And I never questioned it. Not when I learned that my brother has started to use it. Not when I had my turn in Boracay when a good friend of mine died.
I dared only today to question it. But still uncourageous to answer it.
Most would probably get scared. But I was fine. A little worried, but, not really. It's not like it's my first time to see so many doped individuals.
So there I was, hardly able to maintain my balance on top of an airbed, I have the best view of the different exhibitions of escape. I watch them jump, dance, breathe heavily, roll their eyes, and speak about journeys to Japan and Germany. It was a weird situation, full of weird people. They went as far as swimming in a hardwood floor and doing a diorama of an african safari . Honestly I felt a little envious because I decided not to join them in that trip and It seemed like a lot of fun. Till I found myself getting into a different connection. I was caught in a role that many have had the opportunity but never enjoyed. I was an observer. Picture this... errr, on second thought, never mind. =)
Let's just meet the artists:
Adrian is a LaSalle graduate who went freelance from McCann and is having the time of his life in the world behind the cameras. He made seven thousand faces (some funny, some scary) and danced like a gorilla many many times.
Louie and John. In a relationship. Out of school, beautiful couple, young and can be seen on a typical Greenbelt Saturday Night. They have five or so more years to stay as headturners and crowd stoppers by simply dressing up and appearing on parties. John floated like a jellyfish, and Louie found himself lost finding the door of a 10 sqm room, and got confused whether he's pissing in the bathroom or on the couch.
Pepe is a former commercial model who is on sophomore year in college. He dreams of becoming a flight steward in 3 years and is like a brother to me. He has embarrased himself for the tenth time by squirming on the floor like a 6 ft catterpillar and mouthing a taboo relationship to the owner of the condo. But he didn't mean it.
Georgie is like a mother who takes care of us. Our not so typical fag-hag. She is about to become a certified nurse and join the rest of her family in the US. She was holding the glass plate and the crisp peso bill that funnels the ketamine.
Carlo is a brooding designer from UP and is one of the nicest guys I've ever met. He never moved from where he was the moment we arrived.
They're not any different from the ABS-CBN fashion consultant I once dated nor to my friend who was the first Asian Valedictorian in the University of San Francisco. Or the CEO of HSBC. Or the late Rico Yan. Or perhaps even my current boss.
A few hours later, we were sitting in the couch and the dining area. Everyone's talking about how much they've recalled. How stupid they looked, how cool they felt and how everyone had a great time. We parted ways with a good mix of worries and a new bond. Rain still pouring hard. I even had brunch with three of them whom I've never had the opportunity to share a meal with before. I also got to step inside Walter Mart for the first time.
Then, Adrian worries about his uneven pupils (eyes) and how he'll work on his editing job due after lunch. Louie and John, lethargic, and worries about the hours they'll spend commuting going home to fairview. Pepe sends an sms message about getting tired of drugs but not of friendships. And inside a cab somewhere in Edsa, 21-yr old Juan, still unable to let go about how cracked good-ol' Georgie and ice-queen Carlo looked, as he also remained sober and dozed off during the entire trance adventure (he was next to me in the airbed).
I thought about dropping by the office and getting a haircut. And how both will not be accomplished again. Past an hour later, I can only guess where everyone is right now. Back to where they thought they got away from. Just as they've expected.

superman says:
Stop the prejudice due to ignorance. Visit http://ecstasy.org

Friday, July 21, 2006

Wish up-ONSTAR: An Overachiever's Crusade to Maintain a High Standard

I read somewhere that pictures don't lie, and dreams do come true... I don't think that's really true.

I am that close to saying that I am a failure.

I was blessed with a good team. And I am about to bring all of them to my collapse. I think I finally outdid myself on this one. I think I overachieved.


I am sad about what happened to Eman. He is such a nice guy.

I am sad of what's happening to Tito. I know he just wants to make his mark.

I am sad of XT. For I know I can give him more solid direction.

I am sad of Fe. As I want her to maximize her potential.

I am sad of Joel. I want to help him fit in.


I kept on saying---- give me a place to stand and I will move the earth.

Archimedes would be ashamed.

Monday, July 17, 2006

return of the man of steel

"Superman called, he said stop pretending that you're his fan..."

I heard some pretty nasty reviews. So I figured I will take my time.

Two weeks after the world premier, I was in line at Gateway Cinema 1 to watch Superman Returns.

He can be pretty grouchy, yknow.

Well, I wasn't too excited about the actors playing it. I thought it would be a bad formula. But it made sense after all. Rather than seeing the balding Nicolas Cage (who was rumored to play the title role years ago) eat up the character, let the character eat up the actor. When I looked at the screen, I didn't see Brandon Routh or whoever. I saw Superman. Exactly who I wanted to see.

Kate Bosworth wasn't bat at all. So was Kevin Spacey, Parker Posey, and the rest of the cast. Well, the Perry White Character was weird. He seemed stoned and lost, but other than that, it was a good cast. And for a character driven movie, that is super important. But I didn't really care. As with the sound, the twists, the faithfulness of the story to the comic versions, the visual effects, and the absence of a theme song---- unimportant. My personal attempt to delay watching it didn't seem to matter too. My debate of watching it in Gateway or in Mall of Asia was forgotten. I came there to see my idol, my one and only unselfish ideal icon. And despite expectations carved in concrete and shattered, I went home completely satisfied.

People just don't get the connection. I do.


I am so happy he's back.


And is it just me or isn't it totally weird that Lois Lane was engaged to Cyclops?

just as so i can have a picture in my profile

This is how i look like now. still geeky and curly...